April 5th, 2017: Finding a Place in the Middle

#38

Pronouns: She/Her

• I saw a video of a comedian who was talking about experiencing feelings that are seemingly harmless but when examined closer, are the result of a long, painful history of discrimination and harmful perceptions (Ex: Seeing a person of colour working alongside predominantly white co-workers and thinking “Oh, good for them”)
• It’s sort of the same with women; we often give them praise or are impressed when we witness them in positions of power or working alongside men. On one hand, it is great to see them accomplishing these things but on the other hand, isn’t it a form of sexism to praise them for doing what men have been doing for years?
• Being a white woman in university and especially in my friend circles, I don’t really experience any major discrimination perse, but I do witness small, harder-to-detect moments and micro-aggressions of sexism
• I exist somewhere in the middle of the spectrum in terms of what I see on a daily basis; I don’t see a lot of oppression on a concerning level, but I don’t tend to see much gratification or social gain for women either
• Sometimes I feel as though I don’t have enough experience/knowledge to even discuss matters like these
• I was raised by my goofy dad, who I never really felt pressured by to fit into the typical social mould of a woman. I was also raised by my traditional grandma and never really felt pressured by her to be anything I wasn’t, simply because her opinions and beliefs are becoming a little more outdated as time goes on
• As a kid I never really felt like I had to wear dresses and pink and fit in with other girls my age. This sentiment changed slightly when I went into high school theatre, particularly acting; it was harder to find a place there because roles that are written for women tend to involve very feminine costume choices, and mannerisms that can be hyper-feminized as well
• So I turned to tech and behind-the-scenes work, which I felt identified me in a more butch way than acting had, which made me feel that I had to fit a very specific role to be in either field, either extremely feminine in order to act, or extremely butch in order to do tech
• When I came into university I discovered a wide range of characters to play, whose performances and storylines came from the characters themselves, and not necessarily from their gender, which was so refreshing

I found a happy medium where I just get to be myself”

• I was always a little bit iffy about wearing dresses as characters, because I personally wouldn’t wear them, so I refused to in high school to sort of defy falling into a stereotype that didn’t even apply to my own life
• I’ve become more accepting and willing to wear dresses for characters now, because I see them as just another item of clothing, that don’t have to have a gender assigned to them
• I think of wardrobe choices as part of the character and I worry more about portraying a character truthfully; hoping that my personality shines through my performance
• I am a woman, yes, but I’m also an artist, a part of the queer community, a dog lover, and a university student
  

  

April 3rd, 2017: Creating My Own Feminist Philosophy

#37

Pronouns: She/Her

• I was lucky growing up because my mom was a second-wave feminist with a lot of thoughts and beliefs that were influenced by these empowering movements and empowered groups of people
• It set me up to think about feminism and women’s rights in a way that’s still extremely relevant and useful today
• That being said, I think she influenced me to be ashamed of being on the more feminine side or being more traditionally feminine by using makeup, for example
• I love my mom and I’m very close with her, she taught me a lot by being so progressive when I was a kid. But I think that as she’s gotten older, her views and outlook have become more conservative
• She was ahead of her time with her feminism back then, but she didn’t evolve as time went on and society became more and more liberal while her personal feminist philosophy remained the same
• Outside of my mother’s relatively positive influence on me as a child, I also felt some of that societal shame for being a woman, I was definitely socialized to be quiet, soft, and gentle
• A lot girls are raised to be overly kind and polite, even when it is completely warranted to get angry and fight back, and I’ve just recently fully figured that out for myself

Sometimes anger and aggression are a totally valid response to how someone is treating you”

• I was told that my main goal in life should be to find a soul mate in a cisgender white man, I was told that this was something to strive for and that my life wouldn’t be complete without a male partner
• This ultimate goal of getting married and settling down is something that I’ve been questioning a lot and realizing perhaps isn’t for me. Monogamy isn’t absolutely necessary and I can definitely find fulfillment in other types of relationships
• For example, my best friend and I have a deeply romantic yet platonic friendship that really exceeds the intimacies I have had with previous male partners in sexual relationships
• I like redefining love and where you can find it. Love and the validation that often comes with it don’t necessarily have to come exclusively from men
• I remember a time when praise and validation (particularly on my physical appearance) from men meant a lot more to me than compliments from women, in fact it’s still difficult today for me to get over craving that attention and confirmation from men
• It seemed cool to me then to have lots of guy friends and hang out with more men than women, because it made me seem “different” from other girls, which is something a lot of younger women in their teens tend to strive to achieve
• Today I have embraced my non-dude friends and have so much fun hanging out with girls, my friends and I do things I never did with my guy friends
• It’s more of a comfortable, safe, supportive environment with a deeper connection being friends with people who aren’t men
• I am a bride, a friend, artist…
• I am someone who is trying her best to be happy and make other people happy too!
  

  

April 3rd, 2017: Struggling to Adjust to a Gendered World

#36

Pronouns: She/Her

• I think the world is split into different communities of people right now with different beliefs and ideologies but it’s important to look at the world through an intersectional lens, and not just from one perspective
• Although there are lots of progressive and open-minded people who create and participate in movements towards change and equality, I don’t think we make up the majority of the population
• Being a person who isn’t a man in the world today comes with a lot of weight to bear, we’re basically the only ones who see something wrong and are actively trying to fix it. It’s sometimes hard to balance self-care and personal needs with trying to be empathetic and make change

Trying to see a light at the end of the tunnel even though it’s fucking impossible”

• Being a woman in the world today is totally different than it used to be. Although it’s nice that there is more visibility and awareness in the political/public sense, there isn’t as much crossover into social and personal realms
• Being socialized as a woman was really difficult for me, especially when I was growing up and dealing with intense and traumatic events and emotions, which no one seemed to care about because I was a young woman
• I did have a fairly alternative lifestyle compared to a lot of kids who grow up in cities, for example, gender and gender roles were pretty irrelevant and unimportant (I thought I was a boy until I was in middle school)
• I lived on a farm and spent the majority of my time with my family, and had varied interests that weren’t typically feminine. I enjoyed my childhood, I feel like I was free to be more true to myself
• That’s what made it so strange, when I began going to school in the city, to see women being sexualized and socialized to fit a certain mould. It really hurt me and took me by surprise to witness women being so objectified and taken away from themselves
• It’s definitely more freeing (although it shouldn’t have to be, it should be the norm) to live a non-gendered lifestyle and do what feels comfortable for you! Kids should be able to do whatever the fuck they want
• I am a lover and a creator
• I’m a person who struggles a lot, but I’m also a person who heals and is in the process of healing with help and support from my friends
  

  

April 3rd, 2017: The Isolation in Being Different

#35

Pronouns: He/Him

• Overall, I do not see women being treated well in the slightest
• Although I identify as a transgender man, I still like to dress up in drag and go out, so I definitely recognize the consistency between being perceived as a woman and being catcalled and treated like a piece of meat
• I didn’t come out as trans until I was 20, and it wasn’t something I was vocal about with anyone at all
• I grew up in a small American (predominantly white and Christian) town where if you were different in the slightest (queer, of colour, disabled, etc.) you were essentially alienated
• There was so much sexism there, the entire town structure is based on misogyny and extreme traditionalism, but because I grew up surrounded by its ideals, it didn’t seem terribly strange or erroneous when I was younger
• It wasn’t until I came to Canada that I realized that what I grew up with was wrong, I didn’t question very much what was happening around me, because I didn’t want to face any of it
• When I was around 13, I began to pay attention to current events and world news, and what I saw and read was so painfully depressing that I couldn’t handle it; I swore off the news and sheltered myself from it, not interacting with newspapers, televisions, and even searching things up on the Internet
• I lived a relatively isolated life for most of my youth, I was comfortable growing up alone, and especially as a young trans person, I didn’t want to encounter any conflict that I could avoid by simply being on my own
• I don’t feel like I’m treated much differently now VS how I was treated before I came out as trans, mostly because I’m still largely perceived to be a woman
• I grew up in the Mormon Church, which is powerfully patriarchal; if you’re a woman you essentially don’t get to do anything in the church but raise children; I realized through this that I wasn’t interested at all in continuing a life in organized religion

What kind of a religion is that? You preach love, but you treat men and women completely differently”

• I recognized that I was different very early on, I was frustrated that my parents wouldn’t buy me “boy toys” or “boy clothes”, although I didn’t mind playing with “girl things” I would’ve liked to have had the choice to enjoy the whole spectrum
• When I was 12, the feelings of being different really started to get to me, and by the time I was 17, I had mostly accepted myself but still wasn’t ready to come publicly. I began to ease my way into the idea of coming out as trans, and full came out when I was 20
• The first person I came out to was my childhood best friend, who, despite being very religious, was the most accepting person I came out to. She took me to all sorts of appointments, to get my first “guy clothes”, and to get my hair cut short, it was wonderful
• I’m no longer in touch with most of my family, when I tried to come out to my mother she became very upset and assumed it was something that she had “done wrong”. It took her four years to even start calling me my preferred name
• Despite the rocky beginning, this last year has been awesome and we’ve gotten a lot closer, she’s finally coming around, she’s trying really hard to refer to me by my preferred pronouns, and she even said she’s proud to be my mom
• My mother’s side of the family was great about it. Surprisingly, my grandma was immediately accepting and told me she loved me no matter what. My cousin was also completely supportive of me, but she’s also fairly removed from the family and the church
• I am an artist of all means that I can get my hands on. This statement is simple, but it really encompasses who I am. My life is made of art, it’s always been a major part of everything I do
  

  

April 3rd, 2017: Challenging Expectations of Monogamy

#34

Pronouns: She/Her

• I find it quite terrifying to exist as a woman in the world today; being raised and seeing other girls and women being raised under the notion that we couldn’t do certain things because of our gender is scary, I try not to think of it as something that will limit me in the future
• I think women are still treated poorly a lot of the time, although I do personally have a few good male friends who identify as feminists and who fully support me in my independence and choices to push past my gender to find happiness in my life
• However, the images that we’re confronted with daily from mainstream media can make it difficult to see yourself as a human and not just reduced to the cliché view of a woman
• Women are socialized to grow up and lead certain lives; get married and have kids, which is something I don’t really identify with or see myself doing now or at any point in my life
• I’ve found that people don’t take me seriously when I tell them I don’t want to get married or have children. I’ve been told it’s just a phase, and that eventually I’ll want to do those things, although I never hear of men being told anything at all when they’re in my position, it’s definitely a double standard
• Growing up with a traditional father meant we [my sister and I] had certain ideals we were expected to adhere to, ie: not moving out until we were married to make sure we had a male partner to support us and keep us safe. He didn’t really see the value in being self-sufficient as women
• It’s been challenging to break free from the stereotypes and gendered standards that were set for me throughout my life
• My father is starting to adjust to the fact that I’m not really a traditional woman, I’m independent, I have tattoos, I’m bisexual, etc. It’s taking some time but he is becoming more open-minded about these things
• My mother is almost the opposite of him; she supports everything I do and has always wanted to raise us as strong, liberated women, which helped to kind of counteract the ideologies my dad had about women
• I came out as bisexual about two years ago and very recently came out as polyamorous. I never really felt comfortable in monogamous relationships, so when I was dating my then boyfriend who was poly, I was introduced to a new way of thinking about relationships and it immediately felt very natural to me
• The introduction of a poly lifestyle became a new wave of self-discovery for me; it was very liberating to finally come to accept myself and set aside the worries about what others might think

Coming out as poly[amorous] has helped me to focus more on myself and less on what others expect of me”

• It really opens your eyes to other possibilities of relationship structures, once you break free from the binary mindset, you’ll realize there are more than two ways to do most things, including personal relationships
• There is more than one way to define polyamory, it’s very fluid and varies from person to person; allowing people to communicate fully to set their own boundaries in relationships
• I almost feel that it’s more commonly accepted for monogamous couples to cheat on each other and break trust than it is for poly couples to set certain rules and limits and abide by them completely
• I’m mainly passionate, especially when it comes to theatre. I’ve never experienced such joy and exhilaration than I have through my participation in the theatre community, no matter what I’m doing. It makes me feel whole.
• I care so much about others that sometimes it forces me to remember to focus on my needs too
• I’m a movie lover, I’ve recently started pole dancing, which I’ve fallen in love with; it really teaches you how to come out of your shell in a safe space to feel sexy and confident
• I’m actively trying to find things that I find as much passion in as I do in theatre
  

  

 

April 2nd, 2017: Finding a Place in the World

#33

Pronouns: They/Them

• Growing up and being socialized as a woman hasn’t been a great experience, just as it’s been a relatively terrible experience overall. Women historically have not been treated well and even hundreds of years later a lot of this behavior towards women has carried over; today I was catcalled, which is a small but not insignificant reminder of women and femme people being seen as “less than”
• I grew up in a small Alberta town, known for being very Christian, white, and conservative. I was homeschooled and always had a bit of an alternative way of thinking, meaning I never really socialized the same way that a lot of girls and women in my town did; this made me out to be a little bit of a black sheep in my community
• I worked for five years in a sawmill job that consisted entirely of male employees except for my mother and me and this is where I began to see how gender inequality was still alive and thriving, starting with new employees who wouldn’t take me seriously when I explained to them how to do things, but would listen intently to my male co-workers who had been working there for half as long as I had
• I worked with men from a few different religious groups (traditional Catholic, Mennonite) who had pretty segmented views of where women belong in society, and they really didn’t like that I was a pink haired femme person who was in charge
• In my current workplace a lot of us have queer and gender non-conforming identities, identities that perhaps don’t necessarily align with our outward appearances, customers sometimes find it odd when my coworkers refer to me by “them” and “they”
• My father didn’t take it well when I came out as queer and he isn’t someone I speak to anymore. My mother, however, was very accepting and continues to support me as much as she can, although gender and sexual politics are not something she grew up learning about
• I am 30% beer, 40% hair dye, and the rest of me is made up of cheese, cats, expensive soap…
  

  Gender is fake”

 

March 31st, 2017: The False Nature of Gender

#32

Pronouns: They/Them

• I am bi-cultural and grew up mostly in Canada, but also spent some time living in Southeast Asia as well, so I’ve seen how women are treated from place to place, and I think that women are treated pretty similarly overall
• However, although women are treated similarly, I’ve found that perceptions of how women are treated vary. In the Western world, for example, many people believe that women are completely equal to men because they have certain legal rights they didn’t have previously, but legal rights aren’t the same as what is actually going on in real life
• Colonization has enforced certain ideals of women being soft spoken, curvy, motherly, etc. The ways that I’m treated in Southeast Asia and Canada aren’t very different, people all over tend to revolve around the idea of “When are you going to get a boyfriend/get married/have babies?”
• My experience living in the world as a non-binary person/perceived woman has been 100% garbage. The only positive thing I can think of that’s come from my experience as a perceived woman, is the solidarity I’ve found with other women and perceived women
• I’ve found solace in badass and beautiful groups of other femme people, Fat people, and many intersections of people because we tend to band together in order to rise against the inequalities and oppression we face daily
• When I was around 10 or 11 I began getting hit on by middle aged men in public who, when confronted with the fact that I was a literal child, tried to defend themselves by saying things like, “you Asian women all look so young anyway, how can I tell how old you are?”
• Asian femmes are typically hyper-feminized and seen as soft and submissive, which is difficult for me because I tend to identify as more masculine, but I am read as aggressively feminine because of my physical appearance; I’m small and Asian, so I must be weak and submissive
• As a Fat and non-binary person with prominent breasts and hips, I will never be read as typically androgynous, simply because I don’t have the romanticized thin, white appearance of mainstream androgynous people
• Most of my experiences with straight cisgender men haven’t been great, especially on dating apps, they don’t seem to understand the concept of women not wanting to sleep with them, there’s a large sense of entitlement there
• For a brief period of time when I was younger, I felt binary-transgender and went by a different, more masculine name. I recognized that even though I loved and supported women, I wasn’t a woman, and I figured that if I wasn’t one thing, I had to be the other: a man. However, I soon discovered that a binary male identity didn’t necessarily fit quite right either

I only wanted to be a boy because I wanted the respect that they had”

• I am LOUD and angry
• I live in a place of many intersections, so it’s hard to discern any one intersection from another because…. Intersections work by coming together
• I am AFAB, non-binary, ethnically mixed, mentally ill, poor in a capitalist society; hating capitalism while at the same time I need it to live, polyamorous, sex work advocate
  

  

March 31st, 2017: A Remarkable Journey in Gender

#31

Pronouns: He/Him

• I cannot speak from the experience of a woman, but rather the relatively unique experience of someone who is widely perceived as a woman while living as a transgender man
• Being perceived as a woman is hard because I find that I’m not listened to as intently or taken as seriously as perceived masculine and passing men and people around me
• Knowing that I’m a man but having no one else know sort of has me feeling a responsibility to take on the position of someone who uses their male privilege (not that I necessarily receive said privilege because I’m not usually viewed as a man) to advocate for women and femme people in my life. However because I can’t realistically take on that position of a man with more social power and privilege, I can’t actually use it
• I do try to use my white ability to help other marginalized groups of people but for now, male privilege is something I simply don’t have ownership over
• Being trans and growing up as a girl was a deeply uncomfortable period of time;  I didn’t fit in with other girls at school and boys didn’t like me
• I wore skirts, played with dolls, and was an overall very feminine child, I wasn’t a trans kid who acted more masculine right from the beginning
• I never had a close, typically maternal relationship with my mother and I think this kind of twisted my perception of what relationships between women were like. I didn’t know where I fit into the world of women and spent a long time being generally uncomfortable with myself
• When I began school in a new city in the 9th grade, I sort of settled into who I thought I was meant to be as a woman; being friends with lots of girls and dating boys, but I continued to be uncomfortable, although I attributed this uneasiness to my mental illness and past negative experiences
• I always had a strange relationship with my body, at first I didn’t really put as much thought into how I looked as other girls did (shaving in middle school), but I began to shave everything when I found out I was “supposed to”
• In high school, I discovered the power of sex and especially the power my vagina could hold over men, in a sense; I slept with people for validation and it worked. I came to the full-blown realization that I was a man while I was having sex with a man
• A few days after I had this realization I was putting mascara on in the mirror, when I started crying. I felt disgusted with myself, and I knew I had to stop using my “femme body” to receive validation as a woman, because I wasn’t
•  I came out as trans soon after and it was a fairly smooth transition, people were generally very accepting. I have had doubts because some parts of me do still feel very feminine, I haven’t lost touch with that part of myself. At the same time it’s so cool to watch my body and hear my voice change as I’ve started taking testosterone

It’s difficult to settle into the place between the feminine person I am and the man that I am”

• I want to stay away from the realm of toxic masculinity I’ve seen forced on and exemplified by men in our society, and for now I have been able to do that because I’m not yet seen as a man, but I know that in a year or two when I begin to pass more easily as a man, I’m going to be forced to interact with the negativity that I’ve seen more directly and more frequently
• Being socialized as a woman makes my masculinity really hard to live in, I find that I need to make a conscious effort to live and do things as a man
• I don’t identify outside of my gender because it dominates every aspect of my life; constantly having gender thrown in my face just reminds me even more that I am a man and I know I’m a man, but I won’t be publicly perceived as a man for a while, which is something that again ignites the need to do things as a man in order to be seen as one